It’s a pleasant night. So tonight I’ll talk on the way
Of the images I seem to think in every day
Five strange years after:
Of how my life appears to me.
I don’t speak of it, the thing itself, not that.
But of how I seem to see our lives in the light of it.
It’s as though you live in big rooms filled with laughing;
I see little tables, and shining black pianos,
And you very busy. And me outside in the street
(Don’t laugh) sweeping it.
The place I suppose is my idea of heaven.
I haven’t described it (who could?)
But I’ve put in some writing desks and black pianos
Because that’s, if I’m honest, the best my poor brain can rise to
Without inventing. Spirits, like flames, that meet
Melting into each other – yes, that makes sense to me often
But not (and you know this) every day.
Anyway, here I am
Out on the pavement. And every night
I wheel my day’s collection to the depot
Where it’s assessed. But
(And here’s the odd part)
I don’t know who does the assessing
Or what it’s best to bring. One just leaves it all there
And goes to bed; every day.
The streets and dreams and faces that I’ve seen now
Without you. Or with you?
Time to turn in my collection.
Heaven knows how I’m doing!
When I sleep
Visit me then, reassure me. Don’t share my puzzle.
And let me hear you laugh at my dustman’s hat…
from On the Way to the Depot (1967)
and New Selected Poems (Carcanet, 2014)
Posted i.m. Mum (20/5/1924 - 20/6/1993) & Dad (7/5/1916 - 14/3/1986),
who melted into each other more than twenty years ago.